"BLUE" JIMMY: STRONG MOTHERF***ER
DO THIS!!!
BLIND DOG OZZY: NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA
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| NOT THIS!!! |
"BLUE" JIMMY: If you don't got strong legs, you got nothin'!
BLIND DOG OZZY: You seen my videos -- I can climb fences!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Your legs are your foundation, The pillars of stone which hold up the whole temple. In the gym, I've seen people who don't even work their legs!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Why do you think Popeye gets his ass kicked regularly by Bluto until he eats that goddamned can of spinach? ... Look at those skinny legs!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Screw all those machines in the gym what got cables, pulleys, wires, digital readouts and a faggoty cupholder so you can sip ice coffee in the middle of your set -- THE SQUAT is the king of all leg exercises!!!
BLIND DOG OZZY: And you don't need s**t to do it!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: I seen people put 4,5, heavy plates on each end of a barbell to do squats, have people sit on their back, tie weights to the leg machine and all kinds of useless s**t! Tell me people, when was the last time you had to strap 500 pounds of iron to your back and move up and down like you got nothing better to do? But I personally know many people who are so out of condition and decadently obese, they can't even get up off the floor if they fall down!
BLIND DOG OZZY: I'm tempted to do a "Your mama so fat ... " joke right here!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: The point is, you need to be an expert in lifting and lowering your own body before you can move on to other, more adventurous pursuits! You can get incredibly strong legs by just lifting your own body weight. Just like the pushup, there is an amazing variety of squats that you can do: Deep squats; half squats; jumping squats; Hindu squats; sumo squats and whatever else people have thought up to torture their legs.
BLIND DOG OZZY: How about the "I ain't got jack, squat!"
"BLUE" JIMMY: If you're a chronic weightlifter who's not convinced that bodyweight squats can get you strong, try these -- the one-legged squat and the horse stance.
BLIND DOG OZZY: OH, S**T!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: The one-legged squat is popular among indigenous people, prison inmates and former KGB thugs who needed to kick down doors on a regular basis. This is an exercise you to be in top shape to even attempt! Sometimes referred to as a "pistol," most people find that they can get down all right ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: Everybody knows how to get down!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: It's the getting up part that makes people cry! Unless you spent your youth in a Russian prison, most people, (even me!) will have to hold on to something for stability on the way up. Yes, this is cheating but you will still get excellent benefits from the exercise.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Another thing -- you're not gonna fire off 50 reps of this exercise!
"BLUE" JIMMY: The strain on your one leg is so intense during this exercise, you'll be lucky if you can do 3 to 5 reps per leg. If you practice this exercise often, you might get up to 10 reps per leg.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Any more than that, and you're probably on a United Nations s**tlist as a war criminal!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: I'm not even sure if you want to know about the Horse Stance.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Aw, hell no!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: The horse stance, as far back as I can research, was developed by Kung Fu and Karate masters to make students regret the fact that they were born with legs. Basically, you get down in a wide - legged squat ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: ... Like you're riding a big ass horse! ...
"BLUE" JIMMY: ... Or you're sitting on an invisible chair with no arms! The purpose of this stance in combat, is to give you stability so no bullies can knock you over ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: ... Or you're battling drug traders on the deck of a Chinese junk off the coast of Nei Lingding during the Opium Wars!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Whatever the case may be, martial arts instructors have been known to make students stay in this stance for 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes! ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: ... Until you wish you were born with no legs!
"BLUE" JIMMY: This builds incredible strength and endurance in your legs and back muscles as well as the ability to anchor yourself to the ground in a split second during combat. I never met a Karate or Kung Fu master what had weak legs!
BLIND DOG OZZY: And when they kick or sweep you, it feels like you been hit by a baseball bat!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: People ask me, "Jimmy, there's all these squats and I want to make my legs strong -- which squat do I do?" The answer is, you should try all these squats at different times, pick the two or three that you hate the most and stick with those until your legs look like the columns of the Parthenon in ancient Greece!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Or like the legs of my middle school lunch lady -- Damn!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Sake's Alive!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
"BLUE" JIMMY: Your legs are your foundation, The pillars of stone which hold up the whole temple. In the gym, I've seen people who don't even work their legs!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Why do you think Popeye gets his ass kicked regularly by Bluto until he eats that goddamned can of spinach? ... Look at those skinny legs!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Screw all those machines in the gym what got cables, pulleys, wires, digital readouts and a faggoty cupholder so you can sip ice coffee in the middle of your set -- THE SQUAT is the king of all leg exercises!!!
BLIND DOG OZZY: And you don't need s**t to do it!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: I seen people put 4,5, heavy plates on each end of a barbell to do squats, have people sit on their back, tie weights to the leg machine and all kinds of useless s**t! Tell me people, when was the last time you had to strap 500 pounds of iron to your back and move up and down like you got nothing better to do? But I personally know many people who are so out of condition and decadently obese, they can't even get up off the floor if they fall down!
BLIND DOG OZZY: I'm tempted to do a "Your mama so fat ... " joke right here!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: The point is, you need to be an expert in lifting and lowering your own body before you can move on to other, more adventurous pursuits! You can get incredibly strong legs by just lifting your own body weight. Just like the pushup, there is an amazing variety of squats that you can do: Deep squats; half squats; jumping squats; Hindu squats; sumo squats and whatever else people have thought up to torture their legs.
BLIND DOG OZZY: How about the "I ain't got jack, squat!"
"BLUE" JIMMY: If you're a chronic weightlifter who's not convinced that bodyweight squats can get you strong, try these -- the one-legged squat and the horse stance.
BLIND DOG OZZY: OH, S**T!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: The one-legged squat is popular among indigenous people, prison inmates and former KGB thugs who needed to kick down doors on a regular basis. This is an exercise you to be in top shape to even attempt! Sometimes referred to as a "pistol," most people find that they can get down all right ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: Everybody knows how to get down!!!
 |
| GET DOWN, GET DOWN!!! |
"BLUE" JIMMY: It's the getting up part that makes people cry! Unless you spent your youth in a Russian prison, most people, (even me!) will have to hold on to something for stability on the way up. Yes, this is cheating but you will still get excellent benefits from the exercise.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Another thing -- you're not gonna fire off 50 reps of this exercise!
 |
| ONE-LEGGED SQUAT |
"BLUE" JIMMY: The strain on your one leg is so intense during this exercise, you'll be lucky if you can do 3 to 5 reps per leg. If you practice this exercise often, you might get up to 10 reps per leg.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Any more than that, and you're probably on a United Nations s**tlist as a war criminal!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: I'm not even sure if you want to know about the Horse Stance.
 |
| HORSE STANCE |
BLIND DOG OZZY: Aw, hell no!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: The horse stance, as far back as I can research, was developed by Kung Fu and Karate masters to make students regret the fact that they were born with legs. Basically, you get down in a wide - legged squat ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: ... Like you're riding a big ass horse! ...
"BLUE" JIMMY: ... Or you're sitting on an invisible chair with no arms! The purpose of this stance in combat, is to give you stability so no bullies can knock you over ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: ... Or you're battling drug traders on the deck of a Chinese junk off the coast of Nei Lingding during the Opium Wars!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Whatever the case may be, martial arts instructors have been known to make students stay in this stance for 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes! ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: ... Until you wish you were born with no legs!
"BLUE" JIMMY: This builds incredible strength and endurance in your legs and back muscles as well as the ability to anchor yourself to the ground in a split second during combat. I never met a Karate or Kung Fu master what had weak legs!
BLIND DOG OZZY: And when they kick or sweep you, it feels like you been hit by a baseball bat!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: People ask me, "Jimmy, there's all these squats and I want to make my legs strong -- which squat do I do?" The answer is, you should try all these squats at different times, pick the two or three that you hate the most and stick with those until your legs look like the columns of the Parthenon in ancient Greece!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Or like the legs of my middle school lunch lady -- Damn!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Sake's Alive!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
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