"BLUE" JIMMY: STRONG MOTHERF***ER
BLIND DOG OZZY: NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA
"BLUE" JIMMY: I just seen a movie the other day that made me want to hurl. It was called "Generation Iron" and was supposedly a sort-of-sequel to "Pumping Iron," the documentary about the "sport" of bodybuilding which made Arnold Schwarzenegger famous. It showed big, bloated, steroid-injected, competitive bodybuilders grunting in the weight room, stuffing themselves with rhinoceros-sized meals and shooting up with industrial waste to contend for the title of Mr. Olympia, the highest title in bodybuilding.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Big muscles ... small d**k!
"BLUE" JIMMY: I've written before about the excellence of bodyweight exercise but now, I want to get into details. When you watch movies like " Pumping Iron" and "Generation Iron," you realize why most people are too lazy to exercise. They think you have to get a gym membership, do a half-hour of cardio, do massive bench presses and machines invented during the Spanish Inquisition for a few more hours and then sneak into a Zumba class for an hour or so to "burn off more calories."
BLIND DOG OZZY: Then walk around the gym for another hour with your faggoty fluorescent water bottle in your hand all sweaty, telling everyone how hard you worked out!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Dude! You nailed it! Then you walk outside the gym and walk around the block a couple of times to "burn more calories."
BLIND DOG OZZY: By the time you're done, you've spent ten hours at the gym: working fathers; single mothers; grandparents of kids of working fathers and single mothers -- who has time for this s**t!
"BLUE" JIMMY: I could show you a workout you could do in 20 minutes that would get you strong and ripped with no equipment whatsoever! But first we got to break it down to show you how it works.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Break it down brother!
"BLUE" JIMMY: When I do my outdoor workouts in public parks, I often share park space with veteranos who been in the joint for awhile and do their workouts nearby. Over the years I've gotten to know many, and they have shared some secrets with me. One is that the best upper body exercise of all time is the pushup.
BLIND DOG OZZY: If you cant't do pushups then you ain't s**t in the yard!
"BLUE" JIMMY: There's a reason they do pushups in school, in the military, on sports teams and in the cellblock -- they work. Your chest, arms, back, abs, glutes and even your legs get benefits from doing pushups.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Thick-neck, little-weinie weightlifters think they're badass because they do a heavy bench press in the gym. Then they slam the bar down and flex and walk away to the cardio room and leave all the stupid big plates on the bar so everyone can see how much they "benched."
"BLUE" JIMMY: The bench press is an exercise that isolates muscles in an artificial way and then puts bad stress on your shoulder, wrist and elbow joints.
BLIND DOG OZZY: And it's a good way to f**k up your rotator cuff muscles -- you'll have to take a handful of aspirin just to hold your toothbrush!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Pushups, on the other hand, strengthen your joints and
give you muscles you can use. I always tell my students, "Do you want to be good at lifting a barbell or good at lifting your body?"
BLIND DOG OZZY: I hear that in my sleep already.
"BLUE" JIMMY: It's true and if you look at world class athletes, gymnasts, soldiers, bodyguards, special agents and martial artists you'll see the proof. Keep in mind there ain't just one kind of pushup you can do but many: wall pushups; lady pushups; triangle pushups, clapping pushups; uneven pushups; fingertip pushups; fist pushups; wrist pushups; hindu pushups; one-arm pushups and whatever else people have invented to carve their bodies into shape over the centuries.
BLIND DOG OZZY: How many pushups should you do?
"BLUE" JIMMY: There's the famous story of Muhammad Ali being asked how many pushups he could do. He told the reporter 8 or 9. "That's all?" replied the reporter. Ali replied, " I don't start counting 'til I can' do anymore."
BLIND DOG OZZY: OH, S**T!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Sake's Alive!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
BLIND DOG OZZY: Then walk around the gym for another hour with your faggoty fluorescent water bottle in your hand all sweaty, telling everyone how hard you worked out!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Dude! You nailed it! Then you walk outside the gym and walk around the block a couple of times to "burn more calories."
BLIND DOG OZZY: By the time you're done, you've spent ten hours at the gym: working fathers; single mothers; grandparents of kids of working fathers and single mothers -- who has time for this s**t!
"BLUE" JIMMY: I could show you a workout you could do in 20 minutes that would get you strong and ripped with no equipment whatsoever! But first we got to break it down to show you how it works.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Break it down brother!
"BLUE" JIMMY: When I do my outdoor workouts in public parks, I often share park space with veteranos who been in the joint for awhile and do their workouts nearby. Over the years I've gotten to know many, and they have shared some secrets with me. One is that the best upper body exercise of all time is the pushup.
BLIND DOG OZZY: If you cant't do pushups then you ain't s**t in the yard!
"BLUE" JIMMY: There's a reason they do pushups in school, in the military, on sports teams and in the cellblock -- they work. Your chest, arms, back, abs, glutes and even your legs get benefits from doing pushups.
BLIND DOG OZZY: Thick-neck, little-weinie weightlifters think they're badass because they do a heavy bench press in the gym. Then they slam the bar down and flex and walk away to the cardio room and leave all the stupid big plates on the bar so everyone can see how much they "benched."
"BLUE" JIMMY: The bench press is an exercise that isolates muscles in an artificial way and then puts bad stress on your shoulder, wrist and elbow joints.
BLIND DOG OZZY: And it's a good way to f**k up your rotator cuff muscles -- you'll have to take a handful of aspirin just to hold your toothbrush!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Pushups, on the other hand, strengthen your joints and
give you muscles you can use. I always tell my students, "Do you want to be good at lifting a barbell or good at lifting your body?"
BLIND DOG OZZY: I hear that in my sleep already.
"BLUE" JIMMY: It's true and if you look at world class athletes, gymnasts, soldiers, bodyguards, special agents and martial artists you'll see the proof. Keep in mind there ain't just one kind of pushup you can do but many: wall pushups; lady pushups; triangle pushups, clapping pushups; uneven pushups; fingertip pushups; fist pushups; wrist pushups; hindu pushups; one-arm pushups and whatever else people have invented to carve their bodies into shape over the centuries.
BLIND DOG OZZY: How many pushups should you do?
"BLUE" JIMMY: There's the famous story of Muhammad Ali being asked how many pushups he could do. He told the reporter 8 or 9. "That's all?" replied the reporter. Ali replied, " I don't start counting 'til I can' do anymore."
BLIND DOG OZZY: OH, S**T!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Sake's Alive!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
