"BLUE" JIMMY: KETTLEBELL OPERATOR
BLIND DOG OZZY: NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA
"BLUE" JIMMY: People see me swingin' the kettlebell out in the park and they ask, "what the hell is that?"
BLIND DOG OZZY: 'Cause it looks like you got a cannonball with a handle on it -- THE BELL FROM HELL!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: The kettlebell is a Russian-born exercise device that has been around for more that one hundred years and has been turning boys into men for the same time! What is unique about the kettlebell is that it not something you use to isolate certain body parts ...
BLIND DOG OZZY: I heard some pussy in the gym the other day saying he had to work on his "glutes!"
"BLUE" JIMMY: But it's really a workout tool which makes your whole body strong all at once, the way the Good Lord intended! Some have described the kettlebell as a gym you can hold in your hand and that's an accurate description. Beware of videos you see on the Internet showing big galoots messing around with 100lb kettlebells or showing off, holding two kettlebells in each hand. This is not how you use a kettlebell. You only need one, which you hold in one hand or switch from hand to hand during various kettlebell drills. For some reason kettlebells come in kilograms (or poods if you buy one in Russia) and most experts agree that an average-sized man in decent shape would get a good workout from a kettlebell weighing 16kg (about 35 lbs).
BLIND DOG OZZY: So what do you do with this thing?
"BLUE" JIMMY: There are various swings and drills you can do with the kettlebell such as: The clean and press; the snatch; the figure 8; the windmill; the Turkish getup and many others that address such issues as strength, flexibility, endurance, balance, agility and resistance to pain. Beware: If you take a traditional, Russian-style kettlebell course from a certified instructor, it will be assumed that you are a Navy S.E.A.L., Mossad (Israeli Intelligence), Spetsnaz (Russian Special Forces) or other hardcore law enforcement member and you will be expected to perform kettlebell drills until you cough up blood!
BLIND DOG OZZY: OH, S**T!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: If you're not required to take out a terrorist's vital organs with your bare hands on a daily basis, there are other ways to learn how to use this valuable exercise tool. One book I recommend is "Enter The Kettlebell" by Pavel Tsatsouline, who is the Russian-born expert on kettlebells who also introduced them and popularized them in the United States. He claims that kettlebells have "bred weakness out of the Russian gene pool" and also says that the kettlebell is the reason Russians have dominated strength-oriented sports for decades. These are bold claims but I can guarantee you that "Pavel," as he is simply known in strength-training circles, knows more about kettlebell history, mechanics and training regimens than anyone around.
BLIND DOG OZZY: I don't got thumbs so I can't use one! ... Does this goddamned thing work?
"BLUE" JIMMY: As an experiment, I used nothing but a kettlebell for about 10 minutes a day for three years and I maintained all my muscle mass, got more cut and more athletic than ever before! The gym I used to work in had about $100,000. bucks of equipment in it and I replaced it all with an $80.00 dollar kettlebell! I'd say it was a good investment!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Where can you get one?
"BLUE" JIMMY: I noticed all sporting goods stores have 'em now but they come in varying degrees of quality. Some folks think a piece of iron is a piece of iron but do yourself a favor and get a real Russian-style kettlebell and if you're not stupid enough to lose it, it should last you the rest of your life. How many things do you own that you can say that about?
BLIND DOG OZZY: If you buy one of those cushioned, plastic-covered kettlebells that you see at Target, you're probably one of those people who steps out of the shower to take a pee in the toilet!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Sake's Alive!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
 |
| A well-worn, 1 pood, 16 kg (or if you're a Yankee) 35lb kettlebell |
BLIND DOG OZZY: So what do you do with this thing?
"BLUE" JIMMY: There are various swings and drills you can do with the kettlebell such as: The clean and press; the snatch; the figure 8; the windmill; the Turkish getup and many others that address such issues as strength, flexibility, endurance, balance, agility and resistance to pain. Beware: If you take a traditional, Russian-style kettlebell course from a certified instructor, it will be assumed that you are a Navy S.E.A.L., Mossad (Israeli Intelligence), Spetsnaz (Russian Special Forces) or other hardcore law enforcement member and you will be expected to perform kettlebell drills until you cough up blood!
BLIND DOG OZZY: OH, S**T!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: If you're not required to take out a terrorist's vital organs with your bare hands on a daily basis, there are other ways to learn how to use this valuable exercise tool. One book I recommend is "Enter The Kettlebell" by Pavel Tsatsouline, who is the Russian-born expert on kettlebells who also introduced them and popularized them in the United States. He claims that kettlebells have "bred weakness out of the Russian gene pool" and also says that the kettlebell is the reason Russians have dominated strength-oriented sports for decades. These are bold claims but I can guarantee you that "Pavel," as he is simply known in strength-training circles, knows more about kettlebell history, mechanics and training regimens than anyone around.
BLIND DOG OZZY: I don't got thumbs so I can't use one! ... Does this goddamned thing work?
"BLUE" JIMMY: As an experiment, I used nothing but a kettlebell for about 10 minutes a day for three years and I maintained all my muscle mass, got more cut and more athletic than ever before! The gym I used to work in had about $100,000. bucks of equipment in it and I replaced it all with an $80.00 dollar kettlebell! I'd say it was a good investment!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Where can you get one?
"BLUE" JIMMY: I noticed all sporting goods stores have 'em now but they come in varying degrees of quality. Some folks think a piece of iron is a piece of iron but do yourself a favor and get a real Russian-style kettlebell and if you're not stupid enough to lose it, it should last you the rest of your life. How many things do you own that you can say that about?
BLIND DOG OZZY: If you buy one of those cushioned, plastic-covered kettlebells that you see at Target, you're probably one of those people who steps out of the shower to take a pee in the toilet!!!
"BLUE" JIMMY: Sake's Alive!
BLIND DOG OZZY: Wow! Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com
