BIG VITA: THE MYTH OF SOIL DEPLETION

"BLUE" JIMMY:  NUTRITION EXPERT

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I heard some dude on the radio the other day saying you can cure disease and discomfort by using natural cures rich in vitamins and minerals and other nutrients.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  F**KING AYE!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I was all into his jive until he started saying that you shouldn't try to get your nutrients through food since the soil in our country is depleted  and does not contain the necessary nutrients to sustain our bodies.  He said that you should instead take vitamin and mineral supplements in capsule form because it is the only way to keep yourself from becoming a shriveled, anemic, vulgar mass of infected virulence.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NICE!

"BLUE" JIMMY: You heard of "BIG PHARMA" the conspiracy of multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical companies to keep people drugged up and f**ked up to allow their companies to make indefinite profits from the sickness and misery of all of us. 

BLIND DOG OZZY:  These companies discourage people from seeking natural cures because they cannot  patent and make profits from fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, herbs and spices.  They claim that all natural cures are the work of quacks and hucksters and that modern medicine holds all the answers to all your ailments through the proper administration of  drugs on a lifetime basis.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude!  Yes but now, these corporations have found a way to get a piece of the action by manufacturing vitamin and mineral supplements and they are starting to tell the tall tale of "soil depletion" which in you an' me terms, is the idea that the soil in this country has been farmed too much since the days of our grandparents and does not contain the necessary  nutrients to produce food which can keep us healthy.  To compensate for this "soil depletion," these corporations advise us to take vitamin and mineral supplements.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Or you will die!!!  

"BLUE" JIMMY:  These supplements, produced in laboratories and isolated from their  food sources, don't really absorb into your body the way food does.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  I found vitamin capsules in my dump!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  That's what I'm saying!  You're literally flushing your money down the toilet by using these supplements -- they go right through you and out the other end.  Think about it.  This planet has produced and nurtured life for countless millions ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  and billions and trillions and quadrillions ...

"BLUE" JIMMY:  ... of years.  If the soil was "depleted" the fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, roots, tubes, herbs, spices, molds, fungus etc., could not grow at all and would not be there in your supermarket bin.  Are animals dying off from lack of nutrition?

BLIND DOG OZZY:  I caught a raccoon eating out of my food bowl!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The companies which produce vitamins and minerals and "Ancient Chinese Secrets" will say anything to make you buy their snake oil s**t.  We call this group of operators "BIG VITA" and they're  nothing but an offshoot  of "BIG PHARMA."  They tell you that you have to order their pills, powders and potions which will cure everything and anything and if you don't order their unique formula for 3 easy payments of $29.99 ...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  ...you will die!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Do the research peoples, in this country, we got lots of good,  nutritious food in vast amounts and don't have to eat Soylent Green.  And if you know what that term means, you're as old as me!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  ...and you will die!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:   Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com

YOUR BODY IS RUSTING!!!: ANTIOXIDANTS AND THE WAR ON FREE RADICALS

"BLUE" JIMMY:  CERTIFIED SPECIALIST IN SPORTS NUTRITION

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  In discussing matters of health and fitness, the subject of antioxidants is sure to come up.  This is due to the fact that in the last few decades, much research has been done in the area of antioxidants' role in preventing the damage done by free radicals.  In scientific terms, a free radical is an unstable oxygen molecule that has one or more unpaired electrons in its outer orbit.  This characteristic causes them to attach themselves to other molecules in your body with which they can combine.

BD OZZY:  Wha...?

"BLUE" JIMMY:  This is the kind of eggheaded stuff I had to learn to become a nutrition specialist.  But there's more... The chaos which ensues in your body has been termed free radical damage.    This free radical damage has been implicated in a host of health problems including the aging process itself.  To counteract this free radical damage, your body produces free radical scavengers which consume the free radicals and prevent damage to your body.  The problem is, there are several environmental factors which can increase your body's level of free radical activity thereby, overwhelming your body's natural defenses.

BD OZZY:  Oh, S**t!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Some of these environmental factors include:

• Ultraviolet light -- exposure to tanning lamps and to sunlight can produce free radicals in your body and promote aging of the skin.
• Air pollution -- breathing the exhaust from cars as well as other contaminants in the air can increase your free radical levels.
• Cigarette smoke -- whether you smoke or you are exposed to secondary smoke at home or in a public place, you increase the number of free radicals in your body.
• Radiation -- you may not even realize it, but you are constantly being bombarded by radiation from not only things like hospital x-rays but also household appliances like televisions, computers and microwave ovens.  All of this can stimulate free radical damage.

• Injury or inflammation -  free radical damage may be triggered by injury or inflammation of the muscles, ligaments and joints.

BD OZZY:  I hope that's all!

"I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE ANTIOXIDANTS!"

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Unfortunately for the health and fitness enthusiast, in addition to the mostly negative factors mentioned above, free radicals can also be triggered by something we usually think of as beneficial -- exercise.  Due to a medical phenomenon known as ischemia reperfusion,

BD OZZY:  (Go ahead, Google that!)

"BLUE" JIMMY:  ... free radicals are released into your system during exercise and most of the damage will occur in the tissues of the body.  For example the damage may occur in the lenses of your eyes and cause clouding or the condition we commonly know as cataracts.

BD OZZY:  That's why I can't see s**t!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The damage may also occur in your outer skin and cause a dried-out and aged appearance.  This damage has been likened to the oxidation that occurs on a piece of metal when exposed to the elements.  In other words, free radicals have the ability to "rust" your body.  But it gets even more serious.  Without getting into all the medical Hoodoo Voodoo, free radical damage also contributes to the formation of cancer cells and atherosclerosis or what we call hardening of the arteries -- two of the biggest killers.

BD OZZY:  !!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  But don't worry brothers and sisters, in addition to the endogenous free radical scavengers that your body produces on its own, you can always add to your body's natural defenses by loading up on antioxidants.

BD OZZY:  Nutrients that kick free radical ass!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Amen, brother!  Lemme quit all the scientific talk and give you the lowdown.  The main antioxidants are: 

• Vitamin C -- which you can get from citrus fruit, rosehips, bell peppers, kale and broccoli.
• Vitamin E -- which you can get from wheat germ oil, sunflower seeds, peanuts, pine nuts and safflower oil.
• Beta-carotene - which you can get from carrots, red bell peppers, tomatoes, collard greens mangos and broccoli.
• Selenium -- which you can get from Brazil nuts, wheat germ, tuna, lentils and liver and kidney of lamb. 
  

"BLUE" JIMMY:  If you want, you can look up all these nutrients and see exactly what they do to make you healthy.  Just remember that the best way to get all these nutrients is  from plant and natural sources.  This is because plants contain phytochemicals, a whole legion of nutrients that science is just starting to discover and which you can't get from vitamin pills!

BD OZZY:  So when your Mama told you to eat all your fruits and vegetables or you won't grow up big an' strong...

"BLUE" JIMMY:  She wasn't jiving!

BD OZZY:  Pass the broccoli!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BD OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com

THE ETERNAL DRAGON: WHY YOU'LL NEVER BE AS BADASS AS BRUCE LEE

"BLUE" JIMMY:  MARTIAL ARTIST

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I read an article in a martial arts magazine recently where some steroid-injected thick-neck muscle-head was shooting off his mouth and had the stupidity to say that in his opinion, Bruce Lee would have not been able to keep up with today's UFC fighters because he wouldn't have the right physical training or ground fighting techniques or  Brazilian Jujitsu moves or whatever to compete in today's mixed martial arts competitions.  Oh, son! you're lucky The Great Bruce Lee isn't alive today or you'd have an elegant silk, Chinese kung fu slipper stuck deep up your ass right now.  What a lot of these young, competitive fighters nowadays don't realize is that Bruce Lee was the first mixed martial artist.  

BD OZZY:  They watch the movies he made and figure it's all Hollywood but they don't know the history of the real martial artist known as "The Little Dragon."  Lee broke all the rules when it came to the martial arts.  When he came to the United States, he practiced kung fu at a time when most people thought it was an item on a Chinese takeout menu, he taught non-asians, and he broke tradition by inventing his own martial art.  Lee scoured the world in search of the best fighting techniques from all cultures and fighting methods: kung fu; tai chi; karate; judo; jujitsu; aikido; taekwondo; hapkido; kenpo; bando; muay thai; pencak silat; eskrima; sambo; savate; capoeira; boxing; wrestling and anything that worked.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Lee took all these martial arts and boiled them down into the martial art he called Jeet Kune Do, which he described as a "style without a style."  One of the basic tenets of Lee's fighting system was that you should take what you need and discard the rest, which he taught, should apply to everything he taught you as well.   Many people have applied this not only to the martial arts, but to their entire lives as well with great success.  In the case of Jeet Kune Do, it created a fighting system which can be all things and anything, thus, there are no rigid rules, forms or techniques.  In a JDK school, you learn how to punch, kick, trap (block) grapple and use your bodily weapons but how you use them is up to your fighting instincts after you have practiced well.  

BD OZZY:  If anyone doubts that Lee could have competed in the ring and fought on the ground in today's contests, (although he would have probably knocked you out by then) check out the various throws, holds, joint locks, and chokes he uses in his films, showing that he was a master of these techniques long before they became trendy for non-skilled brawlers to use when they got too tired to stand up and fight like men in MMA contests.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Too tired was not in Lee's lexicon brother, his conditioning was legendary.  From one arm pushups on two fingers to the "dragon flag" ab exercise to impossible calisthenics and  advanced gymnastic moves, Lee did it all.  And he trained for combat!  A few decades ago, when muay thai boxers came to this country and started battering "karate experts" to the ground with their fighting skills, people wanted to know what their secret was.  Their secret was that they trained for real combat, throwing hundreds of punches, elbows, knees and kicks against hard objects and real opponents at full strength until they became fighting machines.  This knowledge was not lost on Lee, who trained as though hand-to-hand war was imminent.  Combine this with inhuman speed, flexibility, agility, knowledge of traditional Chinese medicine, and a gentle warrior philosophy of life and you have the ultimate martial artist.  So, Mr. bench 400 pounds, buns-of-steel weightlifter guy who starts fights to impress his girlfriend, be aware that when a peaceful person crushes your adam's apple and hyper-extends your knee backwards in a fight, it was the spirit of the "Little Dragon " that moved through them.

BD OZZY: And left a beautiful Chinese calligraphy painting for you in the hospital!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BD OZZY:  Wow!  Wow! 
bluejames61@hotmail.com
 

HULA HOOPS TO HELL

"BLUE" JIMMY:  HOOPER

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  OK, If I'm going to write about the Hula Hoop I have to talk about its ancient history, right?

BD OZZY:  Oh, hell no!  Just start talking about how cute girls started shaking their nalgas with it during the 50's!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Alright, that's just weird that a dog would notice that.

BD OZZY:  I'm just saying...

"BLUE" JIMMY:  OK, the Hula Hoop was used for GodKnowsWhat in ancient times because it's depicted in rock etchings or whatever but like anything fun in modern times, the Wham-O company here in L.A. found a way to market it and make a million dollars while nasty old men leer at young women playing with them in parks and hippie concerts all over the world.

BD OZZY:  I told you!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  What you don't know peoples, is that doin' the hoop is an exercise that will keep you young forever if you keep with it.  The gentle twists, bends and graceful movements will forever keep you from that downward spiral of arthritis, injury and disuse that plague older folk when they give up on life.  

BD OZZY: Tell them about the secret!

"BLUE" JIMMY: The secret is that if you take away the hoop, practitioners are actually imitating the movements of the ancient arts of tai chi, chi gong or kung fu which are known to be the best healing therapies in the world.  If you're an adult and you take up the hoop, the first thing you're going to think when you try to spin the hoop and it clatters to the floor is that something is wrong with your body and this goddamn thing is made only for kids.

BD OZZY:  That means you ain't got your mojo working no more!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I took up the hoop when little girls on the playground challenged me to a hoop contest and I couldn't even make the thing spin on my hips.  I practiced for months until I can safely say that I can kick the butt of any tweener girl on the playground but if you look up videos on the internet, you'll see people doing things with the hoop which will make you think that they surely sold their soul to the Devil.

BD OZZY:  I thought only guitar players did that!

"BLUE"  JIMMY:  You just got to keep playing with it chillun, 'til you get your youth back.  Notice I said play and not work.  That's one of the best secrets I can give you -- you got to learn how to play again.  When you stop playing, your body figures it's time to quit and sit in the rocking chair and you won't be able to do the things young folk do.

BD OZZY:  I can jump through the hoop!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  And he can't see s**t!

BD OZZY:  The hoop is a symbol of eternity -- keep playin' with it forever!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BD OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!

JUMPIN' & JIVIN': THE LOST ART OF JUMPING ROPE

"BLUE" JIMMY:  JUMP ROPE MASTER

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:   Jumping rope rocks man!  But you don't see many folks doing it right anymore.

BD OZZY:  I can never see the goddamned thing!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  You don't even need to see it.  It's all about feel and rhythm -- like playing guitar.

BD OZZY:  You should know!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Look at old timey black&white films of people training and you'll see dudes whipping the rope around like Bruce Lee swinging a pair of nunchuks.

BD OZZY:  No s**t!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Now you go to the gym and see cats jumping and flailing like a drunk walking into a spider web.  It's worth it to practice and get it right.  Nothing develops your speed and coordination like the rope plus you work every muscle you got at the same time.  Let me tell you, it ain't just for girls in the school yard.

BD OZZY:  A girl in the schoolyard might knock you out. 

"BLUE" JIMMY:  There's all different kinds of ropes.  There's skinny leather or plastic ropes that move so fast you can't see 'em, there's heavy, weighted ropes that will wear you out in 10 swings, there's even ropes made out of rope!  My personal favorite is the beaded rope which doesn't move as fast as the speed rope but it also won't twist and tangle like other types of ropes which makes it perfect for doing tricks. 

Once you pick a rope, the best way to learn is by watching someone who's put in the hours of practice to master it.  This is a lot easier than it used to be since you can go on the internet and find hundreds of videos of people doing different swings that you can slow down or pause.  I had to learn the hard way; by watching people at full speed and then experimenting for hours til I got something that looked sort of like what they were doing.  Once you learn some basic swings and steps the trick is to keep it up for about 3-5 minutes straight without stopping, even if you have to stop your jump and use a "rest" swing where you just keep the rope swinging with your arms and move your feet lightly.  Once you learn the basics you can move on to tricks like the crossover, double jump and behind the back which keep things from getting monotonous.

BD OZZY:   And it's a hell of a lot more fun than running laps or being on a treadmill -- plus you look sharp, man!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  And when you're done, you roll it up and stick it in your pocket.

BD OZZY:  You don't need no $2,000. dollar machine!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BD OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com

YOU ARE THE GYM: THE EXCELLENCE OF BODY-WEIGHT EXERCISE

"BLUE" JIMMY:  EXERCISE ENTHUSIAST

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Look in any gym or health club or wherever people work out and you'll see a room full of machines.  I have a problem with that.  Looking back in human history, you'll find that it was the invention of machines that made us weak in the first place.  People were strong wood choppers,  water bearers, plow pullers and animal wranglers before we made machines to do all the work for us.  Then we got weak as a species and had to invent exercise regimens to make us strong again.   After centuries of presumed progress, we're right back where we started by having machines do all the work for us.

BD OZZY:  Whoa!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The art of body-weight exercise has, for the past few decades, been mostly lost in gyms in this country but not by the people who really excel in physical activity.

BD  OZZY:  We're talking about gymnasts, acrobats, athletes, martial artists, soldiers, law enforcement and prison inmates who are known to break their cuffs while in custody -- S**t!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Many of these people don't have access to weights and machines or they participate in activities that require practical strength and body skills, not bloated muscles to show off with.  Just like the ancient Spartans, who needed their bodies to perform or die, people have used basic calisthenics like the squat, the pushup, the pullup and the handstand to chisel their bodies into fighting shape since the beginning of civilization.   Decades ago, alternative medicine shook the foundations of the medical establishment when people realized there were more natural ways to treat their illnesses.  Now, with the increasing popularity of body-weight workouts in fitness centers all over the country, people are discovering that there are natural alternatives to the old weight and machine workout.  But do you see what's happened here?  In both instances, people are simply going back to the roots.

BD OZZY:  Could it be that the era of sweaty guys pumping iron and posing in front of mirrors is coming to an end?  Check out my fence climbing workout video -- you can't cage me!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BD OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!

THE L.A. (LAZY-ASS) WORKOUT

"BLUE" JIMMY:  ISSA TRAINER

BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA

BD OZZY:  Excuses?  We've heard 'em all at the gym; so we made a Top 10 List of excuses why people won't workout:

10.  I'm too tired when I get home from work.

9.  I want to lose the weight first, then I'll start working out  (????).

8.  I have a bad back (knee, shoulder, elbow, etc.).

7.  I'm not really a workout person.

6.  It hurts.

5.  (Women)  Guys stare at me in the gym.

4.  (Men) There's no hot girls to stare at in the gym.

3.  I don't know how to start.

2.  I heard on the news that working out is bad for you.

AND THE # 1 REASON OF ALL TIME...
" I DON'T HAVE TIME!"

"BLUE" JIMMY:  If you've ever used one of these excuses, I'm going to give you for free a workout to address all these excuses.

STEP 1.  Do 25 wall squats.  If you can't do them all at once, stop and rest until you reach 25.

STEP 2.  Quickly drop to the floor and do 25 regular pushups.  If you can't do them all at once, stop and rest until you reach 25.

STEP 3.  Get up and do 25 Hindu squats.  If you can't do them all at once, stop and rest until you reach 25.

STEP 4.  Quickly drop to the floor and do 25 Hindu pushups.  If you cant do them all at once, stop and rest until you reach 25.  Boom!  You're done!  Breath deeply before, during and after this workout.  You will have worked every major muscle group in your body and your cardiovascular system will have gotten a superior workout from the short bursts of intense exercise.  You don't have to go running or lift weights afterward and you don't have to skip a day before you do it again (that's for steroid-pumped bodybuilders). Do it every day if you want but at least twice a week.  It should take you less than 15 minutes.  If you can't do the L.A. workout, you don't need a trainer, you need a rehabilitation therapist.

BD OZZY: And he's serious!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Check out the video, it shows a quick demo in order of each exercise.

BD OZZY:   Que Bueno!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BD OZZY Wow!  Wow!